Can I roll on that?

by Emilie L. David, 7 January 2012


My foam roller has become one of those things that I use just about every day.  There is always something that is achy or knotted to roll out.  The Stick is also handy if you can't get to a good masseuse.  The problem with these tools is that they don't pack well, although once Vera Bradley comes out with a foam roller carrier, I am sure you will see them regularly slung across the backs of runners flying to their next destination race.

For now though, whenever I travel and don't pack the foam roller or stick, I find myself sizing up the things around around me and wondering, can I roll on that?  Below are some tested alternatives.

Hand weights: Ok to roll your arch on, 
but slightly dangerous for anything else (as evidenced by bruises)

Rolling pin:  Although it looks like The Stick, it is a little too bulky, and the handles are not that strong.  Definitely do NOT attempt to use your great grandmother's rolling pin - you know, the one your mother has been saving to give you until such time as you are more responsible and less rough with things...

Beer bottle:  If full and cold, this is good to rest against an achy knee, between sips.  Really, what's inside is more helpful at making the aches "disappear."  If drained and not one of those tin jobbers, do NOT attempt to roll a glute on it against a hard surface.

Weeble:  A) it is hard to smash your posterior against something that is smiling innocently like this.  2. Weebles definitely wobble, and if you are rolling on them on carpeting, their egg shape will cause them to escape and ricochet against your furniture and, since she is already in a foul mood, your mother's ankle bone.  4) If you try to roll on them on the wood floor, they start to make this horrible squeaking noise that will make you feel guilty.  Weeble murderer.

Baseball and bat:  Ok, so, I didn't really test the baseball. The one I have has a signature on it and I'm not taking it out of its protective box, but I imagine it would work pretty well.  I also did not use my Louisville slugger, because after what happened with the rolling pin, I didn't want to disrespect Louisville.  But I did try a Wiffle ball bat, because who respects that?  Plus, it was blue!  Can you imagine?!  Anyway, if you are visiting your mom and you didn't bring your stick - you can borrow the Wiffle bat she won't throw away.  The Stick people don't want to hear me say this, but for my money, it works just as good.  Plus, that knob at the end of the handle is excellent for really digging into those stubborn little knots.

Tennis ball:  My physical therapist recommended this to me.  It's especially good for piriformis issues (pain in the ass) - you can put it between your issue and a wall and lean into it until, as she says, the pain goes from sharp to dull, or, as I say, until the screaming becomes a moan.

Lacrosse ball:  Better than a tennis ball.  Just believe me because in the first draft of this entry when I tried to explain why it's better it started to look like I was writing a different sort of blog.  So let's just be brief and say it has to do with firmness and smoothness.  Plus, they come in a wide variety of colors, including red violet (like the crayon)!