Impact Factor: When it comes to my Ba-bling Ba-blings is it all about the Cha-ching Cha-ching?

At last.  The third installment on sports bras.  I know you were all waiting for me to talk about boobs again so here goes.  Boobs are expensive!  At least, trying to figure out how to properly and comfortably contain them can be.  And I am a girl that likes a bargain.  So it is hard for me to plunk down $40 on a sports bra, when one can be had at say, Old Navy or Target for more like $16.99.  And while I do own clothing from bargain stores that have taken a beating and lasted (the beloved Old Navy puffy coat of 2010), I have had things that did not so much (the famous H&M shirt-splitting-at-work debacle of 2012).  And, I don't know if you have noticed this, but there is always something slightly off about the clothing you get at these stores.  For example, sometimes I wonder if certain stores have been using models who have one arm that is longer than the other.  Or who have had their glutes surgically removed and sewn onto their thighs.  Some of the....tailoring makes no sense.  So when I decided to try out some bargain bras, I fully expected them to be slightly dysfunctional.  I was mostly pleasantly surprised.

The Candidates:
Old Navy's Padded Sports Bra
Target's C9 by Champion(R) Women's New High Impact Bra
(Truly magical names on both these items)

Here is what you are dying to know about them:

Easy to Manage or Expect Shoulder Damage?
The Old Navy bra is an over the head number.  Using the wiggle-jump method, I managed to get into it in roughly 1.5 minutes.  My attempt to get it off by myself resulted in what was almost a boob-mitosis, when the tight elastic got stuck mid-chest and caused me to yelp for help.  Extraction required a sort of yoga move where I entwined my arms above my head and tried to get my shoulder blades to connect to each other, while my significant other yanked the thing off me.

The Target bra blessedly has a back closure like you'd find on a regular bra.  It also has straps that hook, enabling you to wear them regular, or cross them in the back.  So it is relatively easy to get on.  Except at 6am on Saturdays when you only have one eye open and you first put your head through the part that your left arm is supposed to go through and then you try again and put your head through the part your right arm is supposed to go through and then you give up and wear it as a lopsided bib around your neck while you get at least half a cup of coffee in you so your synapses connect and you are able to figure out the mystery that is a woman's brassiere.

Successful at wicking or heavy and sticking?
Old Navy did not get particularly heavy once drenched with my gaspy efforts at speed, but it doesn't wick so much as it seems to distribute your sweat evenly all over the bra so no matter which way the wind was blowing, I was shivery on my post run walk back home.

The back of the Target bra was pretty wicky.  My back didn't feel clammy or cold post run.  That's more than I can say for the front, which, because it is padded for modesty, sort of traps your sweat against your girls like two squishy sponge suction cups and encourages the formation of two round stains on the front of your shirt which is decidedly NOT modest, and also might be part of the reason why that barista had to repeat your order back to you 3 times before he actually got it right.

Good motion control or Baywatch on patrol?
For something that looks so simple (no underwires or individually sewn cups to lift and separate) Old Navy offers a surprisingly stable ride.  It has a good thick band on the bottom and a high neckline so you get both support and full coverage.  Of course, it is also one of the tightest bras I've tried, so while that band around the ribs keeps one's peaks above sea level, it felt like it was clamping my rib cage down on my lungs.  I did eventually get used to it though.  Or maybe the lack of oxygen just made me forget about my discomfort.

The band on Target is supportive and the adjustable back closure enables you to keep those flotation devices from drifting away from you.  The neck band is not as high as the Old Navy one, which might be a problem depending upon your personal endowment, but I found it sufficient and the rolled neckline was nice and soft.

Ba-da-bing! or Granny sling?
On the hotsy-totsy scale the Old Navy Bra is decidedly more Sporty Spice than Ginger Spice.  It does come in numerous colors and patterns though, and you can usually find pants or tops that match if that is your thing.  Some of them also have a bit of glow-in-the-dark paint on them, so you can safely run around in your underwear at night.

The Target bra is really trying.  It has interesting seaming (primarily to contain each pad) which allows you to avoid that inner tube look.  The padding is removable through these little holes on the outer edge of each cup.   I cannot tell you how annoying this is.  Every time you wash the bra, one of two things happens - either one or both of the circles works it's way out of the bra and you have to pick through your laundry to look for them and then try and get them back into the bra through the little holes OR they simply fold themselves up into little packages of padding and if you aren't paying attention you find that you've been jogging around town looking like you have two very perky, strangely askew, odd shaped nipples poking through your top.  It does come in black, in any size but mine.  I was forced to get the neon pink, which screams, in a sad sort of desperate way,  "Don'tcha wish your sports bra was hot, like me?! Don'tcha, baby, Don'tcha?!! "

Despite the criticisms, I found these both to be pretty functional bras for my particular person.  They would be perfect if I had a lady's maid to get me in and out of them and chase around after the escapee modesty pads.  A sports bra wrangler.  Who could maybe also clean the mold out of my water bottles.  Ooooo, I think I know what the next column is going to be about.



Note:  The Old Navy bra that I tried was severely (read "orgasmically") discounted.  It looks to be a forerunner of the current model Old Navy offers since I cannot find the particular cut I own on their website.  The current model (which right now happens to be A.C.O.D.'ed - After Christmas Orgasmically Discounted) sports a V-neck, where as mine has the more traditional wife-beater neckline.