I run because I want to

By Emilie David on June 1, 2011 at 10:37pm

Fill in the blank:  I run because __________.
Running is hard.  It’s true that relative to some other sports, it doesn’t require a lot of gear, or a lot of coordination, super strength, access to special facilities, good depth perception or hand/eye coordination.  I suppose in terms of what you need to actually physically begin the act of running, it’s a pretty easy sport.  Keeping running, however, is hard.  For more than a minute.  For more than five.  More than an hour.  Day after day.  No matter the pace.  You have to commit your time and your focus.  You have to be willing to give other things and sometimes people up for it.  You have to embarrass yourself (with the sweat and the wheezing and the stumbling and the wardrobe malfunctions).  You have to be willing to feel at least a little awful a lot of times, and a lot awful at least sometimes.  I think if you have to pick just one thing to finish that sentence, it has to be “I run because I WANT to.”  I don’t mean to be a jerk about it and I certainly don’t want to discourage people from going for it.  I think if you have even the smallest of urges to try running, you should tie on your sneakers and try it.  It has made my life bigger.  It is the only thing I do that I fail at constantly yet keep doing.  Because I want to.  Why I want to can be complicated, and not always positive.  It changes.  All the time.  Sometimes every 200 meters.  Like I said, running is hard.  If there was only one why, I would never keep at it.  Here is a sample:

I want to because so many others run

I want to because so many others don’t

I want to so I can make the brownies

I want to because I ate the brownies

I want to so I can be alone for just 45 minutes

I want to so I can be with my running buddies

I want to so I can get faster

I want to so I can run further

I want to so I can clear the mess of emotional overly dramatic thoughts from my head

I want to so I can clear the snot from my head

I want to because I’ve been sitting at that damn desk all day

I want to so I can sit at that damn desk all day and not feel like my ass is just growing wider

I want to so I can feel the blood pump and confirm that I do actually have a heart in there

I want to so I can confirm that what’s in there is not really broken after all

I want to because I’m feeling competitive

I want to because I feel like a pisser and I need to run my attitude into the ground

I want to because I don’t know what to say to these people and I need an excuse to get out of the house

I want to because it’s raining/snowing/freezing/hotter than hell and running in it makes me feel like a bad ass

I want to because it means I have started and finished something today

I want to because it makes me feel stronger

I want to because I think it’s making my legs look better

I want to because (usually) just after the feeling of complete misery comes the runner’s high

I want to because the sign says “No Loitering”

I want to because I have to see if this track/dock/deck/bridge is as bouncy as it looks

I want to because I’m late!

I want to because it will kill time

I want to because I don’t want James Carville to beat me next time!

I want to because Flo Jo was fierce and because Lagat is graceful and when you run you can be both without apology

I want to so I can finish the 8k/10k/13.1/Triathlon/26.2/??

I want to because of a little girl who loved Field Days and the 50 yard dash and the relay, but who stopped because she was afraid of the asthma and of never being fast enough

I want to so I can make up for lost time and fix the past

I want to because every finish line I cross is one of her silent day dreams finally coming true

Today I wanted to because I’m afraid I’m slowing down. 

And because I’m afraid of what’s looming ahead.

Friday, June 3rd.

National Donut Day.